June 5th Update

I feel like I need to give an update on what is going on. It’s kind of complicated. I went a head and had chemo last Thursday. This chemo takes place every 3 weeks. I was very disappointed in this but I also know God has a plan. Days 3 and 5 were rough. Not only physically but mentally. I have been put on oxygen. It has made me feel so much better. After each surgery I’ve had I’ve been told I’m a terrible breather so this wasn’t a shock to me. 

Michael and I are also pursuing natural remedies. My food has dramatically changed. I’m juicing and eating a lot of veggies. I’m drinking veggie broth. I’m taking some all natural supplements to help my body heal. I am also doing hyperbaric chamber treatments and they seem to be working. 

I want you all to know I’m choosing to live. God has called me to something bigger than me. He has also commanded me to pray for healing. And that’s what I am doing. Do I know the ultimate plan He has for my life? No. Only He knows the number of my days. Only He knows my future. So keep praying those bold prayers! I’m still living! 

Legs and an update

Several weeks ago during my quiet time I heard God ask me if He took my legs away would I still praise Him? That to me was an easy yes. A few weeks later - 2 Saturday’s ago, I started feeling my legs get weaker. Riding the bike wasn’t helping. Stretching wasn’t helping. Nothing was really. I can move them. I can stand on them. Walking is HARD. After an episode yesterday that just took everything out of me I realized what was going on. So I praised God for preparing me in advance. And we have moved to a wheelchair. I can still move about the house but it’s pretty tricky. 

Last week when my doc told me there is only a 10% chance this chemo works...she also told me I had a month to live. My next chemo treatment is a month away...I do not feel like I am on her timeline at all. We are praying boldly that this chemo is KILLING this nasty disease. That my lungs will be healed FULLY. Will you join us in that prayer?!? I am a fighter - but I still need people holding me up. Thank you in advance 

#alreadywon 

Updates

I’m not sure where to start on this update. 

Tuesday we were given the 6 month prognosis. When she gave me the news a fire started in my belly. I was even more ready to fight and FULLY believing that God can and will heal me. 

On Thursday we went to MD Anderson for a second opinion. The doctor told me basically the same thing. However, he also told me that I don’t fit the statistics. The statistics for people with my disease are much older. I’m young. So he didn’t feel confident saying I have X amount of time left. 

He also said that what we need is for radiation to have worked on my brain. He said that the whole brain radiation should have made the Mets go dormant. And if that’s true we will check every other month to make sure they are still dormant and no new ones pop up. So again we are asking for everyone to pray for complete healing. 

As for my lungs. I’ve been so focused on my brain - but my lungs are pretty bad. Usually the chemo kind of works on the lungs and people just have to keep switching chemo to keep it at bay. However we are praying that God would heal me. We will check in a few weeks to see if it’s working. If not we can change. Here is the good news - on April 22, 2020 a new chemo was fda approved for my specific cancer. So that is good news. 

I had a rough day 3 but it wasn’t as bad as when I was on radiation. I’ve also had 2 really good days in a row. We have definitely figured out that my back pain is nerve related. My lung catheter is sitting on a nerve causing all the pain. But we have figured out some ways to help it and my doc has put me on some nerve meds. It’s also helped me sleep more! I was averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a day. I’m now sleeping 5-7 a day with naps. 

I have chemo on Tuesday. We are praying that God would completely heal me. And we are asking that you pray that also in FULL belief that He will DO IT. 

#alreadywon #completehealing 

Pictures from our Hair Party

If you watched our video you can see me snap some pictures. I wanted to share them with you. The kids loved cutting my hair - except Callen, because he learned in school this year that we only cut paper. So he just watched. 

This was everyone’s favorite and they thought I should leave it like this. 

My scar is healing nicely. 

Family Hair Party

We had a fun night as a family cutting my hair 

Family Hair Party

Monday

Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 8 am. I will do radiation treatment #6 and then head over to the hospital. They will take a chest X-ray and then decide if I’m having 1 or 2 procedures done. I will for sure have my port placed. If my lung is filling with fluid again - which we all seem to think it is, we will place a catheter in my lung that allows Michael and I to empty my lung from home. 

I’m also having some stomach issues and would love your prayers for those as well. 

Thank you for praying for me. 

A rough weekend

After chemo on Tuesday last week I jumped straight into radiation. To say that my body was exhausted would be an understatement. On Tuesday I had told my oncologist I could feel some fluid on my lungs. We decided to let the chemo do it’s job and try and dry up the fluid. Thursday and Friday I started having a weird side effect from both chemo and radiation and that was swelling in my belly. Friday night into Saturday morning were terrible. I was in a lot of pain and hadn’t slept. On top of the chemo just making me feel blah. We called the on call doctor and talked to him and he suggested we go to the ER. That made Michael and I very uneasy and we began to pray and have several other people pray that somehow my doctor would be notified and we would hear from her. If she said go to the ER we would go in a heartbeat. About 30 minutes passes and we hear from her! If I could make it to Monday it would be best for me. So...to make it to Monday we kept me very comfortable through 

medication. So I slept all weekend. Today we headed to the Woodlands for radiation and my doctor put in orders to drain my lung. We drained it and I feel so much better. I can breathe and the pressure in my lungs and abdomen have gone down a lot. My ribs are sore but I can handle that! 

Prayer Requests 

Tomorrow I do round 2 of chemo. Pray my numbers are where they need to be. 

Pray that this fluid does not come back!! That the chemo will stop it from happening again. 

Pray that the side effects are minimal now that we’ve solved one issue

Pray for complete healing!!! 

Join me as I go through my first round of chemo...again

My chemo vlog 

chemo vlog

Quick Update, chemo round 1

Yesterday was round 1 of my new chemo. As of today I will have 8 rounds of this chemo. Beyond that - I’m not sure. I know we are all on the same page that we are watching all of my body very closely and our goal is to kill any and all cancer cells floating around in there. 

This chemo was very different from my last two. My last two infused over 2 hours and 4 hours. I would be in infusion for 5-6+ hours each time. This chemo is pushed over 5 minutes...yes FIVE minutes. Now I still had to do blood work, meet with my oncologist, take pre meds, and then have chemo so I was there for 3 hours but still - it was so much shorter than before. 

I’m not even 24 hours out from chemo so I’m not sure of the side effects yet. I can say that the pre meds gave me a killer headache- a lot of medications tend to give me a headache. Once we got that under control last night I felt so much better. 

I also got my radiation schedule yesterday. My radiation oncologist is ready to get this started now and not wait another week. Which is fine with me - these minions need to be killed inside my brain. So I start this Thursday! I will have 10 treatments total over 10 business days. I will skip radiation next Tuesday so I can do chemo. They have warned me that I will be exhausted. My oncologist is taking me off of the steroid except on chemo days so hopefully I will be able to sleep deep and give my body the rest it will need. 

I will be losing my hair again. Last go around this was something I mourned. And I will probably be sad when it happens...but I have a strange peace about it this time. I don’t get to have a hair party with my friends this time. We may have one with just the 5 of us. We haven’t decided yet. 

Happy Easter

2 Weeks Post-Op Update!

It’s been two weeks since my brain surgery! 

We answer the 3 most frequently asked questions that we are getting right now! 

2 weeks post-op

Goodbye staples

(I am typing this one - yes uncle Bill I learned to type he he he. There are most likely typos...and I am ok with that...you all should be too)

Today was the first day since March 30th that I have gone anywhere. I take that back. I have gone on some outdoor walks. But, into public - first time! I had an appointment with my neurosurgeon today to remove staples and check on healing process. I have to be very honest - this virus at first did not worry me. BUT. I have lung cancer...this virus could KILL me. So...we have taken this social distancing VERY seriously. Y'all - my best friends haven't even seen me since March 20th except through a window. We are taking EVERY step to make sure our family does not bring this into our house. We are making hard choices like no Easter celebrations beyond our family. We are NOT risking things right now. With that said - there were people in the neurosurgeon's office that are probably there for serious issues...probably not lung issues...but they were inside with out a mask on. With other people with them (against the rules). And I felt like they were just hanging out. It made me a nervous wreck! I had a mask on. I hand sanitized probably 30 times and I sat on the edge of my seat literally not touching anything. When I walked into the room, I washed my hands! The nurse took my blood pressure - it was SHOCKINGLY normal!!!!!!! And when she left I washed my arm from the cuff. I didn't realize until that moment how much the worry of this virus had seeped into all I thought about. My surgeon's PA came in and chatted with me. She explained that according to the MRI I was healing normally and everything looked great according to her and the doctor. I then FaceTimed Michael and we answered more questions and we got to see the before and after of my brain!!! Y'all Flint and Floyd were HUGE! I'm seriously blown away. She then popped my staples out - so simply. Prescribed some physical therapy for me and told me to come back in 3 months. It was very very simple. Like when did brain surgery become simple??? Because that's the way I felt. And then I was OUT OF THERE and back into the world of oncology where everything is bleached. LOL 

I then met with my radiation oncologist. I LOVE that he is confident in what he does. When I say "we" met - Michael was there via FaceTime again lol. So, his theory is 3 spots or less and we just radiate the spots. 4 spots or more and we do whole brain radiation. When there are 4 spots you just need to assume that there is another spot that is so tiny you just can't see it. So if we radiate the entire brain we are going to kill any microscopic cell that might be floating in my head. And I am 100% on board with that! Flint and Floyd were taken out....but they had a few other minions hanging around in my brain. I was then mapped for radiation and I had my mask made. I am very claustrophobic..and this was NOT fun. My team was very sweet, talked me through it and fanned my face while I waited for it to cool down. The mask is bolted down to the table. For 10 days I will be spending lots of time in prayer and meditation while radiation takes place. But, I was a big girl and didn't freak out and made it through! It also helps that this team already feels like a family and I felt so comfortable with them and we chatted about just normal life. 

So prayers!

1) Chemo round one takes place April 14th - pray for my numbers to be high and that I tolerate the drug well. 

2) We are praying boldly that this virus will DIE and that it will stay away from the Haffner house

3) Our family - our kids are champs...but they are still processing a lot and they are doing it in isolation. 

We are so so thankful for our village! 

#alreadywon 

Miracle #3

This miracle was the one several people got to be apart of! It was not fun in the moment but He is so so good! 

miracle 3

My head

So this blog will be public but I don’t know I’ll share it for the masses. So if you found it I just need to give you a big WARNING! This post has a pic of my head. This blog is a reminder for me as well as a platform to share so I want to remember things as I go. So if you are still here hello! 

Let me just say that brain surgery is not what Grey’s Anatomy makes it out to be. They didn’t shave my entire head. I never wore a giant turban around my head. In fact I only had a piece of tape covering the opening in the hospital and they removed that for me to go home and nothing has covered it since...what?!?! I have a large series of staples straight down my skull. Also, I have not...but someone in my family and one of my besties might have watched a YouTube brain surgery video and apparently my surgeon did it differently than YouTube 🤣. That makes me laugh just to type. I’m a little curious how he got my head open enough to get in and get Flint and Floyd out. I’m not curious enough to ask lol. Michael is. But...he’s not allowed into any of my appointments right now so he can’t ask. When this COVID19 stuff is over my doctors better be ready for ALL the questions that I don’t want the answers to but all my people do!!! 

Today is my last day with these staples- they come out tomorrow morning! They didn’t bother me until 1 week post surgery and then I was like - I see why people pull these out themselves!! I didn’t touch them! 1) I’m a rule follower 2) It’s my head and that freaks me out! 3)  I feel like the doctor knows the perfect time for the things holding my skull together to come out and I’m going to allow him to do his job lol 

Picture is next. This was the day I came home. I hadn’t been allowed to wash my hair yet. Now you can’t even see them because my hair lays over it. 

A plan

Lots of phone calls today. We have a plan moving forward. Wednesday I will have the staples taken out of my head! I will then head down straits and meet with my radiation team. Get all mapped and set for radiation! 

Then Tuesday April 14th I will have round 1 of chemo! One week later I will have round 2 of chemo and then begin radiation almost immediately after round 2! It’s so good to have a plan! This chemo is supposed to be very well tolerated so we shall see what all that means. 

Thanks for praying for our family! #alreadywon 

It’s been one week since my surgery!

A week ago today I had a surgery to remove two large tumors from my brain. 

This was the second miracle God did in my life that week! 

2 Miracle

A Vlog!

I am going to share the miracles God is doing in our lives! This is a long one but I feel like it is worth it. Click to watch! 

my first miracle

Let’s be real

I’ve tried to decide just how real I want to be about everything going on. I know that I want God to get 100% glory for each step along the way. So I’m going to be pretty real. Some stuff is still saved for my family and close friends. 

On Wednesday, not only were Michael and I shocked to learn of my diagnosis but my oncologist and her team were JUST as shocked. She was very emotional with us which I love but it made it that much more real. The tumors were HUGE. I should have been showing a list of signs and complications but aside from the headache- nothing. Here is full disclosure of Wednesday- we were given a death sentence. We didn’t know if we had days, weeks, or months with me still around. We asked for prayers but we didn’t put the heaviness of the situation out there. I sat in a hospital room by myself for 24 hours thinking, talking to God and allowing y’all to stand in the gap for me. All with a terrible headache and being treated for COVID19 and not my tumor symptoms. Side note - find you a group of girlfriends who will call the hospital and demand someone go check on you when they are ignoring you because of policy. Wednesday was dark but Thursday shined light in weird and funny ways. 

Thursday started off with my amazing oncologist coming to see me. She was mad about COVID19 because she knew 100% that my lungs had cancer not a virus. We didn’t know if we should celebrate that or what but we celebrated the small victory. She also had a plan. She was no longer blindsided and was ready to battle. She mentioned something about me working in August and I looked at her funny and she said - that’s where we are headed! Mourning to dancing!!! I do not have an easy road ahead of me at all. This is going to be harder than the last - But, God is so so good to me. He is a God who sees and hears. He is loving and kind. My goal over the next few days/weeks is to write down the miracles He did on my behalf. MIRACLES you guys! Mind blowing things He did. I can’t wait to share them with you! 

#alreadywon 

Other things I want to remember

I named my tumors. And they are officially being kicked to the curb today! Goodbye! I will not miss you! 

My sweet oncology nurse called me last night and chatted with me. As a friend. Y’all I’m SO blessed to have the team I have. She told me that on Wednesday they were all just as shocked as me. All of them were crying with us. It was a blow to their hearts as much as it was ours. This is who you want fighting for you. I got to hear some behind the scenes knowledge of my oncologist diving in feet first to save my life again as soon as she came down from the shock. Man - you want a Dr. Ramshesh fighting your battles with you! We also talked about how I had ZERO other symptoms of brain cancer. Usually after just a few days of migraines the protocol is not a CT scan. Usually you have dementia issues on top of the migraines. I have normal chemo brain, but NOTHING that would have classified brain cancer issues. My oncologist went with her gut - praise the Lord, and we are getting to evict Flint and Floyd 4 days after finding them. 

God is so good like that!!! 

Family

My heart is so full! When I left for my appointment on Wednesday I had no clue that it was the last time to see my kids. My doctor went to bat for me and pulled some MAJOR strings to allow my family to come up to the hospital and for me to go out AND for Michael to go out and be allowed back in. A lot of strings pulled. It was a short time but so so thankful I got to hug them and see them before my surgery tomorrow. 

Lung Cancer

Update! I am out of quarantine which could only mean one thing - NO COVID19!!! My oncologist knew this the entire time and she was not the one to call for the COVID19 test. The reason she was so confident in this was because she saw that I also have lung cancer. The spots in my lungs are small and new. What the other doctor thought was Corona or pneumonia was fluid caused by the inflammation of the cancer cells. I did have 1.3 liters of fluid taken off my lungs. I also met with my neurosurgeon today. He feels confident that he can get the two large tumors at the back of my head with minimal issues. I do have small lesions around the larger tumors that they all feel can be taken out using radiation. So...my surgery has been moved to Saturday morning at 8am. It will last 2-3 hours. I will spend a few days in the icu and then head home. He thinks I will be up and back to normal by next Friday. Weird. Then in 1 to 2 weeks we will aggressively start chemo for my lungs and at the same time radiation for my brain. Yesterday the news was very grim. Today the news seems more hopeful. This is still about to be the battle of a lifetime but I’m ready. I want God to get ALL glory and when the doctors think something is impossible I can’t wait for him to show up in ways that only He can! #alreadywon

Brain Cancer...

Friends and Family, 

So today we went to the hospital to have my migraines checked out. We were absolutely blindsided by the news that I have tumors on my brain. After an MRI I was admitted to the hospital and scheduled for brain surgery on Friday. Michael ran home to talk with our kids and I got cozy in my new room. About 7:30 people started getting serious around me and I was taken to a new room and placed in quarantine. Apparently I am showing slight signs of pneumonia and they are worried about COVID19. So on top of the shocking news of my brain tumors I am also in full isolation until my tests come back. I do not have the symptoms of the virus but they are being extra cautious. 

As for the brain tumors. This was fully shocking to us but not to God. He knew of this diagnosis before I was born. We are asking you to pray bold prayers. 1) that when I have my surgery they would miraculously be able to get all of the tumor. 

2) that the covid19 results come back negative 

3) that these tumors would be benign - they don’t think they are but our God is bigger than all of these doctors. 4) pray for our family especially Michael and the kids as we all walk this road again. 

#alreadywon

Chemo side effects 14 months later

3 weeks ago I had a migraine. I used to have migraines once a month before I had kids. My doctor told me they were hormonal and I found that to be very true. Once I became pregnant with Claire the migraines stopped. I’ve had one other migraine since that time and it was caused by an ectopic pregnancy. So 3 weeks ago when one hit me out of the blue it was scary and caused me to be super sick. The pain part lasted for 24 hours and then I had some ocular issues for a few more days. 

While we were at Disney, our last day in parks I felt one coming on. Medication knocked it out and I was able to enjoy our last day. Fast forward to last Wednesday night. I had felt a sinus infection coming on. I called my PCP and got an antibiotic for the infection. Thursday I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed. Late Thursday I called my oncologist- your mind goes to some dark places when you’ve had cancer. Friday my amazing doctor met with me virtually and put my mind at ease. Migraines are very common after chemo, especially in women my age. Chemo wipes out your hormones and mine are trying to kick start back up. She gave me a lot of medication to help try and manage the pain and they have basically made me sleep since Friday. I’m OVER it. I’m not sure how long this will last but it is for sure not fun or anything I would wish on anyone. I even said today that chemo was easier than these migraines - and it’s true. I knew how long I would feel bad and 99% of the time it was over after 24 hours. 

So I’m asking for prayers. I’m not functioning well right now and the pain is like I said intense. So if you have a few extra minutes please pray for relief for me. 

Blood work

We've known since September 2018 when my genetic testing came back that I hold a BRIP 1 mutation. This means that I have a higher likelihood than most women to develop ovarian cancer. It increases my risk by 20%...so not huge but enough to make you have that thought in the back of your head...especially when you've already had breast cancer.
So, when this was first presented to me, my doctor had explained that I would need to have my ovaries removed around or just after I turned 40. I talked with my OB/Gyn at my last November and we talked about having a hysterectomy over the summer. I was 100% on board with this and was ready to move forward.
Then this week we met with my oncologist. She is very concerned with the thought of me having a hysterectomy. Chemotherapy wipes out all estrogen and progesterone and my levels are still, one year later, not back up to normal. Taking my ovary (I only have 1) would send my body in to a tailspin and create such a hard menopause that she would be concerned for my physical and mental health. So, after talking to the Gynecological Oncologist we decided to wait a few more years. During those years we will check my CA 125 (ovarian cancer markers) levels every 6 months, along with a pelvic ultrasound every 6 months. Michael and I felt 100% confident in this plan.
After this appointment we went for my 3 month blood work.  My doctor went ahead and tested my CA 125 levels during this blood screening.

I got my results back on Thursday night. Usually if test results get pushed through I don't worry because, if there is something concerning they call before they push them through. So...when I saw something strange on my results I was a little worried but thought - if this was of great concern, they would have called me.  They called me today to go over these results. A "normal" range is anything under 35 U/ml and when you research some sights such as the mayo clinic say that anything under 45 U/ml is normal. My test results came back saying my levels were at 47 U/ml...slightly elevated. There are several things besides cancer that could cause this elevation...So! We are going to rerun the test in 1 month, do an ultrasound, and meet with the gynecological oncologist...all of this a day or 2 before we head out on our "We Beat Cancer" trip!!!
Am I worried? That is such a weird question and so hard to answer. I fully know that God's plan is so much bigger and greater than my plans. I also know that He told me very clearly that I have Already Won this battle. IF this is a path I am walking again - Praise the Lord I know what to expect! I am not going in blind. But, I truly feel like this is going to be NOTHING. I believe that in March we are going to be blown away by the amount of nothing this is.

Thank you for praying for us, for walking this path with us, for being an encouragement to our family each step of the way.