Cancer sucks....I feel that there is no other appropriate way to start this post but to state the obvious. Treatment for it is also very unpredictable, but then we've learned to predict certain aspects of it all at the same time.
This second round has been a lot harder than the first round. The actual day of chemo was a little easier it was the days following that were hard. I have felt a lot more tired (which I didn't know was possible). I have become and felt weaker. Opening bottles and lifting things have become a chore. And even though I am exhausted, yawning, falling asleep at my desk during conference - sleep seems to allude me. I can usually fall asleep at night but I wake up around 3 am each morning and I am up for the day. This hasn't been all bad. I usually force myself to stay in bed until 4 and then I get up and go to my chair in the living room and spend time with God. This has been a sweet hour of praying, reading, journaling, and memorizing scripture. God and I had a long chat the other day about if 5 o'clock would be a better time for us to meet and maybe I could sleep until then...and for the last 3 days I did.
My hard days are not what I expected them to be. My oncologist had told me that days 2-3 would be my hardest. I am really tired on those days and slightly nauseated but I block out those days for nothing but resting. However, no one warned me about day 5. Day 5 has now hit me out of nowhere twice. Days 2-4 are hard but they are not days that scare me. I rest, I force myself to eat, I take my meds (if you know me you know this is a big deal since I HATE medication), and I wake up on day 4 usually feeling like - ok, I can do this. Then day 5 dawns. I don't have the right words to describe it. My entire body hurts, I feel anxious, the exhaustion is beyond anything I have ever felt, I actually feel like a sick person. I feel like how the movies portray people fighting stage 3 breast cancer. It has also messed with my mind. Day 5 is the day that I have to attack with scripture. I have to attack it with God's truth because if I don't my mind can spiral into scary places. After 2 rounds and day 5 being the worst day I now know that I should not attempt work on that day, I have my close friends praying extra hard on that day, and I have my scriptures ready to fight off the spiritual attacks that may come. I am going to start scheduling a post to pop up on day 5 that just asks you to pray for me. If you will join me in praying that that day I could rest, my bones wouldn't hurt as bad, and that God would guard my mind. Maybe we can lessen the craziness of that day :)
Thank you for all of you that are joining me on this journey. The pink It Takes a Village shirts have been so amazing and encouraging to see!!! I am saving all the pictures and I have a happy binder that I will put them in. God is writing an amazing story and you are all apart of it.
#alreadywon
