I've been thinking about this post for several months now. Thinking about this day still takes my breath away. I can still fully feel the sting of "D'Ann, it's cancer. I've sent your paperwork on, you need to get into an oncologist, it's invasive." I feel weird putting quotations around those sentences because I am sure there were other words said. And as fully as I can feel the sucker punch - the words are just snippets.
What can you say about the one year anniversary of the day your life changed forever? We celebrate 1st birthdays with parties, and cake, and walks down memory lane...but do you celebrate a cancer diagnosis? My answer - YES. That fateful phone call was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. This is what I want to celebrate, the amazing ways God showed His unending love over and over and over again - beyond what I could ever ask or imagine, for 365 days.
*It Takes A Village - if you are reading this, this is YOU. God showed me His love through all of you. Countless prayer chains, letters, texts, phone calls, and prayers in person were overwhelming. Knowing I could ask for very specific prayers and people set timers to pray for me - brings me to tears right now just thinking about it. I could feel your prayers lifting me up. I could feel you interceding on my behalf. When my doctors did not have explanations as to why my numbers never dipped, or why things would look way better than expected, I always loved smiling and saying - hundreds of people are praying for this very thing right now. Because of your prayers, I was able to share Jesus with some of my medical team.
Meal Train - you guys!!! Michael and I did not have to cook a single meal starting August 17th going all the way through December! That is insane! (We both gained weight during that time because you all brought yummy dinners AND dessert...but it was worth it).
Random acts of kindness - mowing our yard, a local company changing our oil for free, paying for groceries, sending us countless amounts of gift cards so that we didn't have to pay for gas, or could grab a meal while at the hospital, going to sonic when the only thing I wanted was a chocolate shake - you took care of our physical needs and we were so humbled by that. I also loved that each of my kids literally had 20+ people on their emergency contact list...We had so many people ready and willing to take care of them when we were not able to do so.
Monetary Donations - this one humbled us beyond belief. God used y'all in ways you will never know. There were days that we would call the hospital and say - what happens if we can't pay $3000 tomorrow for chemo? And they would say, well we can't give it to you...And we never once canceled our appointments, praying and trusting - And I promise you, each and every time the money would come in-just literally show up...and the next day, we could tell the hospital - God sent us money through a friend or through a stranger and several receptionists got to see the love of Christ because of you. Then, a group of people took care of our family for Christmas. We didn't have to tell our kids - you need to pick a different gift...you made it to where our kids had an amazing Christmas despite our circumstances.
Shirts - holy moly the pink It Takes a Village/#alreadywon Shirts! They started out as a declarative statement by my best friends who walked me through the hardest week of my life. They made them for the 5 of us and we took a sweet sweet picture together - and it blew up! We did 2 sales of the shirts and through your generosity we could pay for my medical expenses so they were not looming over us. People who I have never met - yes you reading this right now...You bought a shirt and it blessed my family. I loved seeing your #alreadywon pictures and just driving around on Thursdays and seeing so much pink!
Bracelet sales - this is the one that really makes me tear up. My school sold bracelets...and I don't have words. Children obviously hold a dear place in heart - but seeing them with a pink bracelet on, seeing them want to show me their bracelet and tell me they loved me...I can't lie, teaching through my treatments was HARD and I totally sucked it up as a teacher (you can't say I didn't...you weren't in my classroom lol) but...God used small children to show me that even in the difficult days of teaching while sick, He was with me. I also want to mention here some sweet sweet girls at school that made paper fans and sold them to teachers after school so they could give me the money...I loved that each time I needed a coke/caffeine I was reminded of the love of children.
*My Team - Melissa, Nicole, Megan, & Katie. I don't know what I would have done with out you guys. Y'all took on one heavy burden last year. Beyond what you should have ever had to do. Y'all were the ones with me when I got that phone call. Katie, you literally wrapped me in your arms and told me it was going to be ok. Y'all all cried with me...hard. And it was then I knew just how much we care for each other. We are a family. God used y'all in a mighty way. He used you to calm my fears, calm my nerves, to make me laugh when I didn't know that I could, to tell me to go home when I clearly shouldn't be at work. Y'all were very much the hands and feet of Jesus to me on a daily basis. Thank you.
*My people - Joy, Katie, Bonnie, Jennifer, Kim, Bri, Caryn, Lisa - God used y'all through the power of prayer and encouragement. Katie - You took my sweet Claire under your wing and served our family by loving on her. You became a big sister to her, you drove her to dance and bought her sonic drinks -you ministered to her in a powerful way. Joy - you were my protector in so many ways, you also told me that it was ok for me to be scared, and that to be brave meant there was something to be scared of...but to cling to Jesus instead of my fear. Bonnie - from prayers, to text, to chemo cookies for myself and the medical team, you loved me so well through all of this. I loved sharing my cookies each week (which the staff looked so forward to) and telling them that someone made them for me and them and prayed over them as they were baked. I loved that I got to share the love of Jesus through cookies! Jennifer, Kim, Bri, and Caryn - my prayer warriors. I could text y'all - please pray - and you would, no questions asked. You also would text me as God prompted you to telling me that you were praying for me and that was such a God send...He knew when I needed those messages. Lisa - you know all you did and would be mad if I listed it all out. Thank you for making sure I was at the PERFECT hospital. Thank you for every small and big gift you gave me. Thank you for the things that only Michael and I will ever know that you did...Thank you.
*My besties - Rusti, Suzonna, Anna, Cyndie, Amy and Patti - I don't have adequate words. I'm going to try to express how God used y'all and I know it will not do it justice. Letters with hymns, Bible verses, and encouragement that came like clock work to remind me that Jesus is my refuge and strength. Crying with me. Telling me that I was going to be ok. But also being so real and telling me that you were scared right along side me. You cried out to God on my behalf. You were my Aaron and Hur, and held up my arms during the battle when I grew weary. You literally dropped everything to take care of my children, to sit with me, to drive me to appointments, to go to the grocery store for me, picking up prescriptions, and so much more. God used y'all to minister to me physically but also spiritually. I knew I didn't have the words...but I love you guys.
*My family - mom, dad, Megan, Bee, Jamie, Scott - thank you. You helped take care of me, the kids, Michael. You sent us on date nights. You sent random gifts in the mail. You gave up your personal time off to come spend time with me. You came to Thanksgiving because I was too sick to travel. You spent time away from your families to spend time with me. Mom and Dad, you picked up our kids countless amounts of times last year. You kept them when we were unable to do so. You stepped in to help when we needed you the most.
*Claire, Cole, and Callen - God used the 3 of you in a mighty mighty way this year. He used you to push me. The 3 of you gave me a reason to fight this fight. Because I always want to point you to Jesus, my prayer during this time was that I would choose joy each day - even when the circumstance was not ideal, choose joy. I wanted you to always see Jesus and be pointed back to Him. The 3 of you never complained that you had to give up a lot this last year. You never made me feel guilty for not being able to do certain things. You prayed the most genuine and sweet prayers over your mommy. Through you I was reminded of what a child like faith looked like.
*Michael - this year we tested out those vows of- for better or worse, in sickness and health. You were a servant leader this year. You took on the role of mom this year. You were my biggest cheerleader. You were the one who saw me at my lowest and sickest - and although I know you were terrified, you showed me a bravery that could only come from the Fearless One. You, pointed me to Jesus. You, held me when I couldn't carry myself. You, prayed bold prayers over me. You, cried along side me. You, told me I was beautiful. You, loved me unconditionally. I love you
On August 17, 2018 - I was sucker punched. I came home. Crawled in bed. And cried. I had to tell my friends and family that I had stage 3 breast cancer. But, that night, talking all of this through with my best friends, we realized just how much God had gone before me. He had paved the way. And if God had paved the way, and made joyfulness from sorrow - why would He let me down now? I had already won this battle. It was then that I decided I was ready to fight. I also decided then and there that my anthem for this battle would be the goodness of God. I wanted to look and be different throughout this journey. I wanted people to ask how I was getting through this, how I was able to smile despite my circumstance, how and why I had a positive outlook on all that I was facing. And my prayer and hope was that when people asked I could confidently say - Jesus is the reason. That God had walked beside me, and held my hand each and every step of the way. Sometimes it was in the 3 AM morning chats, with just my Bible and Him. But often it was through people, being the hands and feet of Jesus.
Cancer was the best thing that has ever happened to me. My relationship with Christ has grown so deep and being able to express the relationship I have with the Creator of the universe seems impossible. My prayer is that I can reflect Jesus to those around me.
Thank you for being apart of this journey. #alreadywon
D'Ann
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all who with unveiled faces reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:17-18
